I’ll never forget the first time a client walked into the salon on a Friday night and wanted to cut her waist-length hair to shoulder-length. She walked out of the salon very excited about her new look.
When I arrived the following morning, I was immediately called into the store manager’s office and nearly lost my job. That’s when I realized that Hairdressers have to be psychologists, too. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to offer Psychology of Haircutting 101 as part of our curriculum.
In this article, we’ll consider these questions
- Why is cutting hair so emotional?
- Why you should never cut your hair on Impulse
- 5 reasons that Make us want to cut our hair
Why is cutting hair so emotional
The answer is simple: if you’re a toddler getting your first haircut. They don’t understand that cutting their hair isn’t going to hurt like cutting their finger. Besides, Mom always says don’t play with scissors.
However, the emotional adult response is usually a more complicated trauma response. Why can cutting your hair be so traumatic?
Lack of good communication at the hair salon:
My friend’s hair is past her butt, not quite to the knees. She is scared to go to most hairdressers and typically trims her own hair, except whenever I’m in town. “I just want a trim”, she says. But frequently, hairdressers cut way too much off. I show her exactly where I will cut and trim, only what is essential to make a nice clean line and more volume. My friend’s hair is in excellent condition. She just tries to keep split ends at bay.
Rule #1 Don’t take liberties with people who take pride in their long hair.
Our hair becomes our identity, particularly long hair.
The idea also applies to hair color. If we alter our hair dramatically, it will impact how we feel about ourselves.
My mother used to cut my hair with bangs when I was a kid; She liked them and thought I should wear bangs too. When I became a teenager, I realized bangs made me feel uncomfortable, and I am NOT my mother. I have my OWN identity.
So, if you have extraordinarily long hair, think thrice before you decide to guillotine it. Chopping off long hair can be most traumatic since it takes so much time to grow; long hair IS your identity.
Avoid buyer’s remorse if cutting your hair is just a passing fancy.
Communication is Vital
I had just moved to a new town in my early 20s and was starting to make new friends. One of my new friends had never really done any new styles with her hair. She just kept her long, one-length, straight hair with bangs. I showed her pictures, and we discussed a plan for her at length. A few days later, I saw her, and she had visited a different hairdresser and was extremely unhappy with the results. I think she never changed her hairstyle after that experience.
What went wrong? Why didn’t she wait for me to cut her hair?
Don’t assume that every hairdresser has the same talent or ability. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. We don’t all have the same experience or education. We haven’t all been exposed to new techniques or keep up to date with trends.
2 ways to improve communication with your stylist:
- Photographs always help when trying to communicate what you want.
- Find a Hairdresser with appropriate skills and a similar mindset
Before you jump into something dramatic, that might have life-altering emotional consequences for you.
- Spend time with your stylist and make sure they share your mindset. Be willing to say, “Sorry, I don’t think I want to do that.” It’s hard, I know because most hairdressers are trained salespeople who are experts at upselling. However, a true professional would rather retain a happy customer than have a one-time relationship with you. This, in turn, builds confidence and trust, and in the future, you may be more inclined to take their suggestions.
- See what work they’ve done on other people. Let them prove that they have abilities with your kind of hair.
- Do you like their work?
- Did that person have similar hair as you?
- Stick by your stylist
- Don’t change hairdressers on impulse
- Once you believe you have the same mindset. Don’t think you will get the desired results impulsively with another stylist.
- If you dynamically change your hair, you must realize you might not like it and have to grow it back out.
Recently, a friend posted a picture of herself regretting her haircut.
I texted her, asking, “What happened? I didn’t think your hair was that short.” She explained that she is in the process of growing her hair out again. Her straightened hair was probably mid-back length, and she cut it short enough that she felt uncomfortable with it except for having it back in a bun or up and away from her face.
I told her that I often have the same struggles, even as a hairdresser. We proceeded to talk about the reasons why we cut our hair.
5 Reasons We Cut Our Hair Short
- Reason #1 Unhappiness
I WANT TO CUT MY HAIR when I feel frustrated and unhappy with myself or my appearance. I think that cutting my hair will make me feel more cheerful. And it DOES, for a while.
So, Why does cutting your hair feel good?
Call it excitement, adrenaline rush, the thrill of the chase, or the endorphins of trying something new. An attractive appearance has less to do with our hair and more to do with our attitude. So maybe a haircut is our answer to having a bad day.
My hypothesis: Men must be much happier 😉 Since they cut their hair more frequently.
Actually, some men also experiment with their hairstyle, and experience the same highs and lows about their looks.
The Short-lived high of a NEW hairstyle
Reality check:
Shortly after my haircut, I often regret my decision and then let it grow out again. When reality hits, styling my short, wavy hair in high humidity is challenging.
Usually, you have to style short hair more frequently than you do long hair. It’s our thinking and self-criticism that make us unhappy.
Returning to the girl who almost made me lose my job. Looking back, I would’ve cut about half as much as she asked me to or made her sign a waiver. She would’ve had some of the thrills, shorter hair, maybe without as much trauma when reality hit.
Then she realized how different it would be styling medium-length hair with long layers; she wasn’t accustomed to it since her hair had been all one length. Probably in her mind, she now had short hair with layers, and that required maintenance. She wasn’t a happy camper like the previous night.
- Reason #2 Nostalgia
Our bodies and hair change over time. When we start reminiscing about how we looked when we were younger. We think about how nice we looked and want to look that way again. I want to cut my hair like before to make me feel young again.
Reality check:
Seeing photos of myself during the grow-out stage reminds me that not all hair lengths are flattering and make me look heavier; I become very discontent with my haircut.
Reason #3 Addiction
Haircutting can be an addiction, and so can hair coloring. Ok, so it’s not the same as substance abuse.
As we discussed, the NEWness of things creates endorphins in our brains, temporarily making us feel happy. So that is why people like buying new things, new relationships, trying new looks, etc.
Reason #4 Identity
Why do older women cut their hair short? And Why cutting your hair is empowering?
While some people get traumatized by significant haircuts, others are trying to reinvent themselves and discover their unique style.
Most people do this when they’re younger. We establish our signature style.
Maybe our upbringing demanded that we maintain a specific look, like keeping our hair long. Then, during a midlife revelation, you become less tolerant of being told what to do.
Or cutting your hair could be a matter of practicality: You may need to wash and dry your hair more frequently because you sweat a lot.
Maybe it was a drastic change, like shaving your head. A woman I follow on TikTok said she tried growing her hair out, but she no longer identifies with long hair. For her, short hair is practical because long hair requires more work, maintenance, and products, which means expense.
Reason #5 Control
Some people cut their hair off because of depression, loss, and grief. They think “out with the old, in with the new.”
It’s something you can control when life seems out of control.
Cutting off one’s hair is a normal and common way to deal with loss. In fact, this custom has been mentioned even in ancient times.
If life gives you lemons, get a haircut!
In review
Before you go through with a major haircut, Ask yourself,
Is cutting my hair an emotional decision or a matter of practicality?
Is it an impulsive decision, or am I convinced that it’s what I want?
If you do go through with it, make sure you find a hairstylist with the same mindset and that has the required skills. Try doing it in phases so you don’t go into shock and have an emotional crisis.
Do you know of another reason why cutting off your hair can be liberating or traumatic?
If so, please share your stories with us below in the comments
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